I'm very much confused with where I'm heading. In terms of where my heart wants to go. And er, not in the medical sense either. Its like, I'm so confused whether or not I should continue with this. I mean, I think my crush already has a gerek. :(

A somebody. A somebody who will be receiving all of the attention. All of the care. All of the things in my head that I want. (nothing carnally pleasurable. maybe) It's a horrible feeling to feel. Especially after you feel so strongly about somebody, and find out that he or she -may- already have somebody else.

I trust my gut instincts. I always trust them when it comes to things concerning things. But my 'divination' (hah, I sound like Trelawney!) is always very cloudy when it comes to things concerning me. Which is annoying! Mostly about love and all, but still.

I think I'm afraid. Afraid of the consequences. I think too much of the big picture. I think way too far ahead. Instead of taking tiny steps, I take giant leaps. Like instead of thinking, "Oh. What will happen in the next five minutes, the next hour?" I'm already at 3 months ahead. :( And not only that, its like I tell myself: "Let go." But a tiny bit of me is just saying: "Just hold on a while. What if you were wrong?"

The fatal two words;- "WHAT IF."

I hate the way I think sometimes.

[...]

I want a beach photoshoot. Like seriously. So funny, all 3 cycles of NTM have had beach shoots. All in dresses.

Here is a banner I made with my 3 favorite pics for the latest episode of ANTM.

*Erin = blonde, Nicole = redhead.