Words upon words crash upon me. Images upon images smash into me. And the saddest, most fucked up thing about this whole thing is? That it isn't reality. It's all in my head. And you know the most scariest thing that's going through my head?

Is that, somehow, by 0.00001%, it may be ALL TRUE.

I know you don't know me. All you might ever notice of me is that I walk by you in campus almost every weekday. I don't even know if you know I look at you. Gosh, how much of a stalker can I be? But yeah. I look at you.

That's what crushes are for, right? For you to feel all tingly in your heart, to act like 10 year olds again. Ah well. We've all got to act like fools once in a while, it's no fun to be serious everytime. ;)

And I think you may be leaving on 24/11. And I probably won't see you until 02/2010? I dunno. Well... here's to hoping. :)

And...

Okay the second bowl of soup didnt taste so good. Probably because I was eating the Vono Chunky Mushroom instead of the original. dammit.

And it sucks so bad that you try so hard to get yourself out there, but people just overlook you. What's the POINT of being this tall, with decent-looking features, when you don't book anything? It's like you owning expensive gym gear when you don't even go to the bloody gym. Redundant, much?

I know this is an industry where you either get it , or you don't. And you can't beg for chances - once they decide they don't want you, you don't get it. It's harsh. And you got to have thick skin for it.

I believe I have the thick skin for it. The problem is, my thick skin is wearing thin. My confidence has never been lower. This bloody sucks.

And on top of that, I think I'm turning into a megabitch. Its like I can't stop myself from turning to my friend and saying how much I dislike that person, how weird that dress style is, blablabla. I feel so bad, but its like, I need to move my mouth. And I know karma is going to bite me so fucking hard, I'll remember it ten years on.

Somebody stop me from destruction, I think phase 1 has already begun... :(

I left my file in Amal's car again. Kebodohans.

I feel like playing basketball again. But my legs are still sore.

OH WELL.

I'll update when I have something more interesting...

So thankful I have no meeting tonight. But I still need to do my Design folio. Fuck fuck shit die.

No nonsensical rantings today, I have had junk food. McD!~

What I thought was right, is wrong.

What I thought was wrong, is right.

And sometimes, neither is either.

This world doesn't make sense.

I'm sick of waiting for you to confirm the request. I'm also sick of Operation/Project Smile. I'm just going to dive under and never get up. And play basketball with my friends until my whole body aches, because that makes me happy.

I'm getting annoyed of people who give me bad vibes. I wanna go away and stay away, but sometimes I don't want to be the one running away. Can't they just fucking leave me alone for once?

Where are you when I need you? To not know a reply is worse than hearing a bad one, so just speak.

You know the feeling where you just wanna run and run and run until your lungs give out, your legs can't be felt and the road just ends? I'm at that edge.

And I dont know what the hell can I do anymore, my road's run out.

I climbed to the roof-top of campus tonight. The full moon. The wind. The whole landscape of Kuching at my view. I want more nights like this, with the right people. And of course, the right person. But you know what? I'll settle for anything. ;)